Insecurity, a GOOD/GOD thing?

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One of the biggest obstacles of my growing faith, is an idolatrous worship of exercise. Praise the Lord, that the Holy Spirit consistently, frequently and aggressively, convicts me of this tendency and turns my heart toward Him once again. One of the tools He has used to do this is a book called Pray Fit.  I was in Kansas, and a girl-friend and I had miss-communitcated about what time we planned to get together over coffee. Being car-less and on the opposite side of town from my parents’ house, I meandered across the street to the local Christian Bookstore. 

Bored, cold and feeling sorry for myself, (not to mention feeling cheap since it was just after the Christmas spending season) I found myself in the clearance isle. I gravitate toward all things “fitness,” “skinny,” and “health.” It’s not usually a good thing, but in this case, God worked my sinful bent for His glory. I picked up Jimmy Pena’s book, “Pray Fit,” from the bottom shelf.

I was instantly captured by his thorough and aggressive devotionals. There was no pansy-footing around the God-talk in favor of diet tips and weight loss jargon. Pena is unashamedly about Jesus.  Not to let the diet-starved reader down, at the end of each chapter, Pena includes a progressive, bodyweight workout. I had to have the book. I know that health and exercise is a good thing, but in our culture, frequently perverted into the only thing. I have been searching long for the way to balance my love for fitness with the truth that Jesus is my life.

I have been reading the book slowly, digesting each devo and trying some of the workouts. I joined Pena’s website, Prayfit.com. That is what finally, leads me to my point today (:

A recent entry on Prayfit.com, asks “which Bible character do you identify with?” Since this week we are focusing on Moses, I began to think about him. Do you identify with Moses in any way? Most of this week, we are focusing on Moses’s strengths; the contrast between his growth in holiness and the disobedient Israelites. But Pena points out Moses’s insecurity. I hadn’t thought of that.

I am an insecure person. Most of my life, I have promised God that I would offer myself fully to Him as soon as I got my life straightened out.

As soon as I get over this eating disorder thing, God. Then, I won’t be such an embarrassment to you. Then I can share my testimony and you’ll be proud of me.

As soon as my marriage is a better reflection of Christ and the church, then God, I’ll tell others about the miracles you have worked in our lives.

As soon as I resolve the conflict with my sister, then I’ll tell everyone about your overriding peace.

As soon as I get over this sadness, this loneliness, then I’ll take the mask off and admit my past to others so that they can see and be astonished at the change in me.

Does that sound familiar? As I wrote on Monday, I don’t think Moses held anything back as he scribbled down his complaints, joys, daily duties and God-moments. Obviously, it can’t be denied that God has used all Moses’s miserable, insecure moments just as effectively as all of his successes. Consider.

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Shut Up or Shut Down

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I am not an activist. I wish I were. I wish I knew what to do. Have you heard of “Thinspiration?” “PrettyThin?” and “ProAna” sites? As I was researching the article posted on Monday, I stumbled or “tumbled” across mentions of such websites. My ambition was to read these and write a commentary. I desperately want to illuminate the viscous lies associated with each of these sites. But I can’t do it. I can’t read them. I can’t make it past the first few pictures before I feel literally sick. I am crying. 

Let me promise you, NO ONE enjoys an eating disorder. You cannot promote an eating disorder or be “pro-ana” with a clear conscience. It’s called a disorder for a reason. One cannot pretend anorexia is an acceptable lifestyle anymore than one would normalize any other disorder: schizophrenia, agoraphobia, social phobia or panic disorder. Would you want to live with, even “improve” and practice such conditions? Seriously?

We live in a fallen, sinful world. To simply facilitate chatter about such topics does NOT lead to healing. One of the sites I mentioned above is run by a man who professes to have no eating disorder, but firmly believes he would be doing society a disservice not to run his website. He believes he is “doing what no one else would do and what needs to be done.” What exactly is that? He offers no opinion or personal stance on the issue, stating only that he is creating community and establishing communication and support. Support for what?

“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” Proverbs 10:19

I don’t have the magic words to repel these lies. I don’t have the perfect words to offer healing and comfort to those caught in the middle of an eating disorder or watching a loved one die. I offer one resource that has  reached the places of my heart that no counselor or book or well-meaning friend has ever done. Please visit Music for the Soul. If you would like a copy of this CD, please let me know. I will see that you get one.

LONG STORY SHORT…

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Long story short…

We started as benjity.wordpress.com, we graduated to predatorylies.com and NOW, we are predatory-lies.com. I promise this is the last time things will change. Long story short, I LOVE WordPress and they offered me a free domain name shortly after we registered at GoDaddy. It’s so much simpler to work with just one registrar and website design software. So please forgive the musical .coms and settle in comfortably with PREDATORY-LIES.COM

AND WELCOME!