Wordless, speachless, soul-less I came.
Silent screaming only your name.
My anguish compounded by confusion.
I don’t know your words and can’t see your direction.
The only thing I feel is your presence.
My little frame of earth is still.
So my prayers stop moving from trembling lips.
Only tears follow gravity, like blood down Calvary’s hill.
Yesterday, I told a friend, that refinement, relationship requires pain.
The foundation of all the hope I have was laid with blood and agony of soul.
But God, I no longer “feel” saved and whole.
You left me here, alone it seems with only pages that fuel dreams.
Dreams of eternity, happy marriages, companionship, purpose and praise.
HOW MUCH LONGER?!
Has not enough pain sullied wounded hearts?
That their seams bulge toward threadbare death?
When death and lies and faithlessness assail all that once was “good”?
What do I know of good?
LIke a child in the dark, I’m groping backward.
All seems encroaching night, constricting to swallow me.
Eyes peeled open in panic.
Bricks mortared higher than I can climb.
A barrier that spins me to look the advancing cruelty in the eye.
God, Must I? Let Me Out! Let Me Go! Let Me Away.
Lean. I think you said. Lean and slip limply to recline.
Recline against this Wall, this Rock until the storm passes by.
This, I your wall, will stay the tightening night.
I cannot fold, will not collapse.
This night will not crush you.