Fierce Women is not unlike a couple books you’ve read before. But then, most lessons aren’t only learned once. What sets Kimberly Wagner’s book apart is that she isn’t preaching from the sidelines. Wagner’s marriage slogged through the valley of the shadow of death. The scenery’s beauty of the other side of the darkness is what inspires her story.
The first few chapters of the book explain what a fierce woman is. She is determined, faithful, disciplined, courageous and devoted. However, it is said that our greatest strengths can also be our biggest weaknesses. It is so with ferocity. An untamed, fierce woman will become proud, demanding, cold, bossy and controlling.
Men respond to an untamed fierce woman in one of three ways. They numb out with the nearest brainless object like video games, a computer or television. Or, they may be fearful of disappointing their demanding wife and go any length to keep her happy. Finally, an intimidated man may lash back in anger and frustration. The resulting dynamic is never positive. Eventually a marriage in this state will dissolve. Even if the couple remains legally married, they will co-exist as miserable roommates. This is no more pleasing to the God who desires that they represent the unity of Christ and His church.
Within the first two years of her marriage, Wagner found herself miserable and lonely. Under the gentle influence of the Holy Spirit and some not-so-gentle circumstances, she was humbled to learn that she, a fierce woman, was much to blame. That’s where Wagner’s story pivots and begins to lead the reader on a quest to surrender their strength to God for His glory and the good of her marriage.
For me, the most poignant lesson in Wagner’s book is her acronym for the word, APPRECIATION. It reminds me of Dr. Gary Chapman’s recent book The Five Languages of Appreciation, which he admits are the same five languages that love speaks. Within this acronym, the first I stands for “invest”.
“I’ve [also] learned that investing in my husband brings the rich reward of intimately knowing, enjoying, and valuing him. By investing, I mean putting time and effort into getting into his heart and mind.”
I too have learned this lesson with a bit of sweat and tears. However, it is exciting to see my budding knowledge affirmed by a wise, Christian woman.
Wagner’s book is a must read for any woman frustrated by her husband’s emotional distance. She turns the light of God’s word on a woman’s heart and enables her to see her own contribution to a marriage’s troubles. Then, by changing the only thing she truly can, herself, a woman will find hope for her marriage.