I am a disciple of John Piper, as you have probably read here before, many times. On Piper’s blog, he often hosts other godly authors and pastors. One such pastor is John Bloom. Last week, I got the blog updates in my email with a featured post by Bloom.
I have confessed that I struggle diligently with pride. I like to think that I have lessened its influence on me over time. When I was young, and living at home, I raged with prideful indignation toward one of my sisters. She seemed prodigious. Everything she touched turned to gold. Every feat she attempted crumbled beneath her capable, confident strides. As her old sister, I felt like an ant, searching for the sun, while shrouded in the shadow of a greater being. Eventually, I quit many things – softball, piano, swimming; and I shrugged in resignation when it came to school, friendships and ambition – I could never be her equal.
Through a unique type of prayer, called Theophostic Prayer, many years of impotent counseling and self-effort were finally surpassed by Christ’s truth. Jesus, Himself, spoke to me as I relived the memory of my pain and bitterness:
“If there is something I gave her, I didn’t intend it for you. I don’t give to all the same. I give out of pure unbiased love to fulfill the needs of each. Not the same for all. Don’t let your heart be bruised by things that don’t matter.”
At that moment, that conversation, the jealousy that I had stoked with every failure, was squelched. Unfortunately, I am still human. I live in a fallen world and I am apt to forget things. I don’t see this sister regularly, and so I began to slip in my vigilant obedience. Instead of Christ’s truth, I started looking for things I can DO to prove myself. Little lies that were mere echoes of earlier screams, told me, “You could be a better wife. All of your sisters are working, why aren’t you earning an income? What good are you? You’re home again? Inferior!”
Jesus doesn’t forget – anything. He hasn’t forgotten my tendency toward self-pity. He hasn’t forgot the exact purpose he designated for me. And so this morning, in a blog post by John Bloom, He reminded me. Maybe this time, with Andrew as my mentor, I can remember.
Serve In The Shadow God Placed You